"Thankskilling"

Okay so I've decided it could be fun to write a couple of these little scene by scenes of the worst/best horror movies ever available for instant watch on netflix. As I said in the last synopsis I am banking on the assumption that none of you will ever actually watch these films so I'm giving away the plot in its entirety. If you think you may want to watch a film I write about, please don't read the synopsis.
Okay so It's 1621. The olden days- Their words not mine- moments after the first thanksgiving. So open scene on a rather large pair of tits. Pan out to a pilgrim woman (wearing an awful lot of make up) who for seemingly no reason at all has her tits out. She looks terrified and begins to run through the woods, of course with her titties flippin and floppin all over the damn place. She is confronted by a rather unattractive talking turkey who says, "Nice tits bitch.", and kills her with a golden hatchet. Next we open on 5 college coeds that are so excited about Thanksgiving break that they decide to take their tops off and one of them has to correct the situation by saying, "It's thanksgiving, not titsgiving." So of the five there's a jock, a slut, a nerd, a redneck, and a good girl. Cut to a dog taking a piss in the woods, which apparently brings the evil turkey back to life. The 5 college students all pile in a jeep and head for their homes but the jeep breaks down and since they have tents and beer (for some reason) they decide to camp right there. One of them discovers an old sign reading "Crawberg" and remembers the story of an indian who was wronged by a pilgrim and curses all white men with an evil murderous turkey that will come back and kill any white men it can every 505 years. Apparently this is true- Turkeyologists have confirmed the story. Although the college students are terrified by the story they decide to stay and get drunk anyway. One of them goes into the woods to make a phone call and bumps into the evil turkey. He does not kill her, but he does establish that he has a potty mouth. She runs back to the camp and tells her friends what happened but they don't believe her and they all go to sleep. Then next morning they all wake up unharmed, fix the car and head to their homes. A man sees the turkey on the side of the road and pulls over to offer him a ride in exchange for "ass, grass, or cash". The turkey lies and says he'll give the man some ass, but the when the man starts to unzip his pants the turkey shoots him. Then the turkey steals the car to find the homes of all the students. First he finds the jock kid and kills his parents. The jock gets away and rounds up all the other kids except for the slut who he can't get ahold of. Meanwhile she's having sex with a random guy and the turkey finds her. The turkey sneaks in and kills the random guy and slips in to his place before she notices- using an extra small gravy flavored condom- again their words not mine. Once he gets off he kills her too and then moves on to find the rest. They all go to look for a book on killer turkeys (by the turkeyologists) at the good girl's dad's house. The turkey had already made it back to her dad's house and killer her dad, but no one notices when they get there because the turkey has made a mask out of her dad's face. When they find the book they learn that they need to remove the turkey's magic necklace, say an evil prayer, and burn the turkey at the stake. The redneck student gets hungry and bored and leaves to go look for something to eat. The turkey disguises himself as a delicious cartoon cooked turkey dinner and the redneck eats whole in one bite. The turkey then shoots the redneck with a shotgun from inside his stomach and pops his head out to exclaim, "Gobble Gobble, motherfucker!" When the three remaining students discover the rednecks dead body there is a montage accompanied by a beautiful song about friendship. Then the students go find the turkey's teepee where the turkey is making a salad. They tie the turkey up with a tiny bit of string and recite the prayer to make it so he's no longer invincible. They try to burn him but he tries to escape and ends up being shot in the head by the redneck who's dog peed on him and brought him back to life. He goes flying and lands in a dumpster. They all rejoice in his death and don't happen to notice that the dumpster is full of radioactive waste. They go to watch a movie and he comes back to life as a green glowing headless turkey. He kills two more of the students before finally being burned to death in a conveniently prebuilt bonfire. The end.